Ooh, what a great introduction! I am already on the edge of my seat anxious to hear what happens next. It seems like you may be interested in neuroscience yourself and that felt evident in how you tackled the beginning of your intro. I am a psychology student myself and I love to sneak in any psych references or ideas that I can. I liked how your story flowed, it felt very natural. It was easy to get a sense of how familiar the two characters were with one another. I love the prospect of virtual reality and anything along those lines peaks my interests. I just think it would be fascinating and a completely riveting experience to be in a virtual reality game. I’ve played with the VR sets that we have on campus and those are great, but I would still love to see where the technology takes us. Anyway, the ending of the story was great. The fact that her words couldn’t be heard sets up the story very well. I am excited to see where this goes.
Your introduction is very ominous and sets the mood for a kinda of suspenseful story which I thought was really neat! From the introduction alone, I don't know what to expect from your project and I really really like that! I hate predictable stories and from your introduction I don't think yours will be one of those. Your writing is very clear, there wasn't anything that I was confused or uncertain about. I'm really curious to see where and how the trickster will come into play in your story! Your story reminds me of the spy kids movie where Juni and Carmen are stuck in a video game and are trapped there until they beat the game. I wonder if your main character will be stuck in his dream world by the trickster as well? Again, great introduction! I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your project!
Hey! That was a great introduction. I am on the edge of my seat about what will happen in this experiment. I felt as though Mari is going to be the bad guy in your stories. The way that she brings up his new promotion makes it seem as though she might be jealous. I wonder why Mari was at the lab so late. Is it normal to be there as late as the Director was? Or was she hoping that she could get him alone so he would have to take part in the experiment? I enjoyed that your story was still on the rise to the climax as it ended. This leaves all your readers wanting more. But I wonder if you could tell one of your stories as a flashback to Mari’s life and what it has consisted of up until she wanted to conduct this study. Great job I am very interested in what happens next.
Hi Akansha! Your introduction has to be one of the most intriguing ones I have read so far! It definitely sets this mood for a suspenseful story. I especially loved the last line of your introduction. It was very suspenseful and I think it gets the reader more excited for what's to come next. Also, I think your writing style is really nice! There wasn't any grammar mistake or spelling error that I caught. I noticed how you added in a reference to yourself as well by saying the main character is "the director of one of the leading cognitive neuroscience labs." I know from your introduction that you're a neuroscience major so I thought that was really creative! I love when people can make references to real life like that. Overall, I think your project is going to be so interesting and fun to read. I can't wait to come back and read more stories!
Hi Akansha!! I read your introduction and I found it very suspenseful. I found myself wondering if Mari was going to harm her friend or if the experiment is genuine. Is she the trickster or will this story take unexpected turns? I also wonder what the simulation is. Is it connect you to your deepest fears? Does is take you into trickster scenarios? I am curious to see what your stories will turn out to be. I do wonder who Vikram and Betaal are because your link is called "Vikram and Betaal: A Trickster's Tales?" I like the suspense that your introduction offers and I love how unpredictable it is, but a subtle layout of what might come next might be a good addition. I also like the way you told the story because I think perspective adds a lot to a story. Great job on introducing your story. I cannot wait to read one!!
I really enjoyed reading the introduction to your storybook! It really hooked me in and made me curious to know more about he direction this is heading in, and I think the premise you've started with here looks promising! I was a little sad there weren't any stories yet, actually, because I was so ready to jump in and find out where this was heading, so that's a good sign! I'm excited to see how this segues into the folklore, and which stories you will choose to tell. If you would like a little constructive feedback, one thing I can offer up which might be worth looking at for you is the verb tense changes. You tend to shuffle back and forth between past tense and present tense, which makes your awesome story a little bit more difficult to read. If you go back through and adjust it a bit so its either all in past or all in present (I think the piece kind of begs to be present tense, personally), it will make it much easier for your readers to get through and won't distract them from all the interesting stuff that is going on in the story. Good luck! :)
Wow! Throughout your introduction, I was hooked. There was so much suspense provoked by literary devices you cleverly used. I have worked in a research lab for biochemistry, so I can connect with the theme and setting of your stories. Your storybook is very unique from others because it is scientifically based. Perhaps to give your readers more context, you could add more insight of the time period this is occuring. Is this modern-day, the future, or maybe even a dystopian society? Also, I would have liked to see more character development with the character Mari. I am confused if her actions towards the main character (perceived as the the reader, 2nd point of view) are antagonistic? You mentioned that the two characters were friends before, so I am curious to see why Mari is controlling the character as if she was a lab subject him or herself. Is this where you are headed with this?
Anyways, fantastic job! I am excited to read more.
Hi Akansha, it's me again haha! I just read your first story and wow, your first section of your story is eerie and detailed--it's awesome!! The detail you provided about the forest and the skeleton like figure was spot-on. The choice that you allow your readers to make at the end of the story is very cool and unique. I love that you made that a feature. However, I wonder how this falls under trickster tales? I think it is very interesting that this is a simulation and that the main character will return to his own reality if he chooses wisely. My only suggestion for this Part 1 story, is to use some sort of information, dialogue, or story to lead into the middle part of "Part 1." I feel like you do a great job of detail and eerie sense in the first part and then, all the sudden, it goes into a story about a princess wanting a brave, wise, or clever husband.
Hello Akansha! The website homepage immediately got me hooked with the eerie and dark picture of the woods. The suspense that the image creates is amazing it made me want to continue. The introduction didn't disappoint. I was hooked throughout the reading and wanted to continue to get more information from the introduction and it kept giving. I continued onto the stories and they were even better than the introduction! The stories were awesome to read kept me hooked the whole time. The stories were unique and had that special something to make it jaw dropping and keeping me hooked throughout. One question I have is if there is any chance that more context could be added to the story to allow for even better deep thinking and more understanding by the reader. A suggestion I had is to continue the eerie and scary setting. It seemed that as you continued your story that the eeriness went away and it was kind of disappointing. Another than that it was a solid story and I am excited to see what comes next!!
Hey Akansha! Okay this week for the feedback we are focusing on images... and your first image is awesome. It really sets the mood for this storybook. It hooks in the reader immediately. The size is perfect too! Moving on from this point, the storybook is super interesting and keeps up with this mysterious and eerie quality. I would suggest adding more pictures though. It may help the reader picture exactly what is going on. You can add pictures that you edit yourself too! Maybe a picture of what Mari sees when drifting off in the introduction or a picture of the lab. On another note, I would think of a catch title for the stories! Something other than part 1, part 2, and etc. You could make the title really stand out and draw in the reader this way! Overall, you have done a really awesome job. Well done.
Hi Akansha! I really loved your story so far-- I think your direction for your storybook is so cool and unique! Your website layout is really nice and clean- it goes well with the lab setting of the book. The images you've included are very nice too-- they really help the reader imagine the stories the zombie creature is telling us. Your writing is what I like most of all, though. It's very clean, descriptive and fits well with the tone of the story. I really feel like I'm reading professional writing when I read your storybook! For this week, we're supposed to comment on author's notes as well. I like that yours have so much information in them. It really helps the reader see what story you were originally using, but how you changed it as well. You do a great job with explaining how you've altered a story and combined it with your overarching theme.
Hi Akansha! This was such a cool storybook to look through, you've done an excellent job with it. The stories are so creative and fun to read! I especially enjoyed the way you crafted dialogue. I also read Twenty-Two Goblins during this course and really enjoyed it, I even wrote a story based off of it. It was so cool to see what you've done with that text here! Those riddles are definitely engaging. If you could find higher quality/resolution images that might be good, but I understand why that might be difficult. Your author's notes were informative and did an excellent job of explaining the original stories! I'm glad you included in one note the idea of the "never-ending loop, " it's such a funny part of the original story. Giving the reader some choices/agency in the project was a great idea to draw people in. This is a creative and very fun project, I enjoyed reading it and looking around your website!
Ooh, I absolutely love riddles, they are so much fun to solve!!! I really like how you changed the goblin into a creepy skeleton guy. I had a bit of trouble understanding what exactly the king was doing with the goblin in the original stories, but I would say that you remedied that well. There was a clear focus of what was to be done and why. The skeleton gave the story a very creepy undertone and this was well aided by how excellently you described his appearance. I think the way you set up your story to progress was brilliant. If you get the right answer, you move forward just like the main character, and you have to repeat it if you answer wrong. I was able to get them all correct on my first go around, so the story read very smoothly. I went back and intentionally chose a wrong answer and was delighted how it forced me to review the story.
This was my first time looking at your storybook. First off, I want to say that I love that you used your future career path as an inspiration for your storybook! It must be fun and interesting for you as a writer to be able to connect the two.
Your introduction was amazing. It is completely mind-grabbing, and it makes me want to continue reading onto your other storybook stories! The fact that the reader is a character in your storybook makes it all the much more engaging!
The introductions you use to transition into the tales are very creative, and it makes for a smooth transition. And I LOVE how you engage the reader by having them select their answer to the riddle. Girl, you are blowing my bind with this amazing storybook.
You are an incredibly talented writer, and I think you took this project and ran with it!
Hi Akansha! I am very glad that I got the opportunity to read your storybook. I thought the ideas were very creative and I definitely enjoyed reading the whole thing. I didn't have much knowledge about the myths and stories that you used before reading this, so it was super interesting to be able to learn more about the subject. The biggest thing I have to say about your storybook was the incredible use of images on the website. It brings so much life to the reading, and provides a lot of outside information that I wouldn't have had otherwise. I also really liked how you took the time to put a lot of detail to the introduction; that added a lot of insight to your story. Another great thing about this was your ability to characterize the main characters well. This made it very easy for me to understand. I can't wait to read more, and hope you enjoyed writing it!
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Ooh, what a great introduction! I am already on the edge of my seat anxious to hear what happens next. It seems like you may be interested in neuroscience yourself and that felt evident in how you tackled the beginning of your intro. I am a psychology student myself and I love to sneak in any psych references or ideas that I can. I liked how your story flowed, it felt very natural. It was easy to get a sense of how familiar the two characters were with one another. I love the prospect of virtual reality and anything along those lines peaks my interests. I just think it would be fascinating and a completely riveting experience to be in a virtual reality game. I’ve played with the VR sets that we have on campus and those are great, but I would still love to see where the technology takes us. Anyway, the ending of the story was great. The fact that her words couldn’t be heard sets up the story very well. I am excited to see where this goes.
ReplyDeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is very ominous and sets the mood for a kinda of suspenseful story which I thought was really neat! From the introduction alone, I don't know what to expect from your project and I really really like that! I hate predictable stories and from your introduction I don't think yours will be one of those. Your writing is very clear, there wasn't anything that I was confused or uncertain about. I'm really curious to see where and how the trickster will come into play in your story! Your story reminds me of the spy kids movie where Juni and Carmen are stuck in a video game and are trapped there until they beat the game. I wonder if your main character will be stuck in his dream world by the trickster as well? Again, great introduction! I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your project!
Hey! That was a great introduction. I am on the edge of my seat about what will happen in this experiment. I felt as though Mari is going to be the bad guy in your stories. The way that she brings up his new promotion makes it seem as though she might be jealous. I wonder why Mari was at the lab so late. Is it normal to be there as late as the Director was? Or was she hoping that she could get him alone so he would have to take part in the experiment?
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed that your story was still on the rise to the climax as it ended. This leaves all your readers wanting more. But I wonder if you could tell one of your stories as a flashback to Mari’s life and what it has consisted of up until she wanted to conduct this study. Great job I am very interested in what happens next.
Hi Akansha! Your introduction has to be one of the most intriguing ones I have read so far! It definitely sets this mood for a suspenseful story. I especially loved the last line of your introduction. It was very suspenseful and I think it gets the reader more excited for what's to come next. Also, I think your writing style is really nice! There wasn't any grammar mistake or spelling error that I caught. I noticed how you added in a reference to yourself as well by saying the main character is "the director of one of the leading cognitive neuroscience labs." I know from your introduction that you're a neuroscience major so I thought that was really creative! I love when people can make references to real life like that. Overall, I think your project is going to be so interesting and fun to read. I can't wait to come back and read more stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Akansha!! I read your introduction and I found it very suspenseful. I found myself wondering if Mari was going to harm her friend or if the experiment is genuine. Is she the trickster or will this story take unexpected turns? I also wonder what the simulation is. Is it connect you to your deepest fears? Does is take you into trickster scenarios? I am curious to see what your stories will turn out to be. I do wonder who Vikram and Betaal are because your link is called "Vikram and Betaal: A Trickster's Tales?" I like the suspense that your introduction offers and I love how unpredictable it is, but a subtle layout of what might come next might be a good addition. I also like the way you told the story because I think perspective adds a lot to a story. Great job on introducing your story. I cannot wait to read one!!
ReplyDeleteHi there, Akansha!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading the introduction to your storybook! It really hooked me in and made me curious to know more about he direction this is heading in, and I think the premise you've started with here looks promising! I was a little sad there weren't any stories yet, actually, because I was so ready to jump in and find out where this was heading, so that's a good sign! I'm excited to see how this segues into the folklore, and which stories you will choose to tell. If you would like a little constructive feedback, one thing I can offer up which might be worth looking at for you is the verb tense changes. You tend to shuffle back and forth between past tense and present tense, which makes your awesome story a little bit more difficult to read. If you go back through and adjust it a bit so its either all in past or all in present (I think the piece kind of begs to be present tense, personally), it will make it much easier for your readers to get through and won't distract them from all the interesting stuff that is going on in the story. Good luck! :)
Hi Akansha!
ReplyDeleteWow! Throughout your introduction, I was hooked. There was so much suspense provoked by literary devices you cleverly used. I have worked in a research lab for biochemistry, so I can connect with the theme and setting of your stories. Your storybook is very unique from others because it is scientifically based. Perhaps to give your readers more context, you could add more insight of the time period this is occuring. Is this modern-day, the future, or maybe even a dystopian society? Also, I would have liked to see more character development with the character Mari. I am confused if her actions towards the main character (perceived as the the reader, 2nd point of view) are antagonistic? You mentioned that the two characters were friends before, so I am curious to see why Mari is controlling the character as if she was a lab subject him or herself. Is this where you are headed with this?
Anyways, fantastic job! I am excited to read more.
Hi Akansha, it's me again haha!
ReplyDeleteI just read your first story and wow, your first section of your story is eerie and detailed--it's awesome!! The detail you provided about the forest and the skeleton like figure was spot-on. The choice that you allow your readers to make at the end of the story is very cool and unique. I love that you made that a feature. However, I wonder how this falls under trickster tales?
I think it is very interesting that this is a simulation and that the main character will return to his own reality if he chooses wisely.
My only suggestion for this Part 1 story, is to use some sort of information, dialogue, or story to lead into the middle part of "Part 1." I feel like you do a great job of detail and eerie sense in the first part and then, all the sudden, it goes into a story about a princess wanting a brave, wise, or clever husband.
Hello Akansha! The website homepage immediately got me hooked with the eerie and dark picture of the woods. The suspense that the image creates is amazing it made me want to continue. The introduction didn't disappoint. I was hooked throughout the reading and wanted to continue to get more information from the introduction and it kept giving. I continued onto the stories and they were even better than the introduction! The stories were awesome to read kept me hooked the whole time. The stories were unique and had that special something to make it jaw dropping and keeping me hooked throughout. One question I have is if there is any chance that more context could be added to the story to allow for even better deep thinking and more understanding by the reader. A suggestion I had is to continue the eerie and scary setting. It seemed that as you continued your story that the eeriness went away and it was kind of disappointing. Another than that it was a solid story and I am excited to see what comes next!!
ReplyDeleteHey Akansha! Okay this week for the feedback we are focusing on images... and your first image is awesome. It really sets the mood for this storybook. It hooks in the reader immediately. The size is perfect too! Moving on from this point, the storybook is super interesting and keeps up with this mysterious and eerie quality. I would suggest adding more pictures though. It may help the reader picture exactly what is going on. You can add pictures that you edit yourself too! Maybe a picture of what Mari sees when drifting off in the introduction or a picture of the lab. On another note, I would think of a catch title for the stories! Something other than part 1, part 2, and etc. You could make the title really stand out and draw in the reader this way! Overall, you have done a really awesome job. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHi Akansha! I really loved your story so far-- I think your direction for your storybook is so cool and unique! Your website layout is really nice and clean- it goes well with the lab setting of the book. The images you've included are very nice too-- they really help the reader imagine the stories the zombie creature is telling us. Your writing is what I like most of all, though. It's very clean, descriptive and fits well with the tone of the story. I really feel like I'm reading professional writing when I read your storybook! For this week, we're supposed to comment on author's notes as well. I like that yours have so much information in them. It really helps the reader see what story you were originally using, but how you changed it as well. You do a great job with explaining how you've altered a story and combined it with your overarching theme.
ReplyDeleteHi Akansha!
ReplyDeleteThis was such a cool storybook to look through, you've done an excellent job with it. The stories are so creative and fun to read! I especially enjoyed the way you crafted dialogue. I also read Twenty-Two Goblins during this course and really enjoyed it, I even wrote a story based off of it. It was so cool to see what you've done with that text here! Those riddles are definitely engaging. If you could find higher quality/resolution images that might be good, but I understand why that might be difficult. Your author's notes were informative and did an excellent job of explaining the original stories! I'm glad you included in one note the idea of the "never-ending loop, " it's such a funny part of the original story. Giving the reader some choices/agency in the project was a great idea to draw people in. This is a creative and very fun project, I enjoyed reading it and looking around your website!
Ooh, I absolutely love riddles, they are so much fun to solve!!! I really like how you changed the goblin into a creepy skeleton guy. I had a bit of trouble understanding what exactly the king was doing with the goblin in the original stories, but I would say that you remedied that well. There was a clear focus of what was to be done and why. The skeleton gave the story a very creepy undertone and this was well aided by how excellently you described his appearance. I think the way you set up your story to progress was brilliant. If you get the right answer, you move forward just like the main character, and you have to repeat it if you answer wrong. I was able to get them all correct on my first go around, so the story read very smoothly. I went back and intentionally chose a wrong answer and was delighted how it forced me to review the story.
ReplyDeleteHey Akansha!
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time looking at your storybook. First off, I want to say that I love that you used your future career path as an inspiration for your storybook! It must be fun and interesting for you as a writer to be able to connect the two.
Your introduction was amazing. It is completely mind-grabbing, and it makes me want to continue reading onto your other storybook stories! The fact that the reader is a character in your storybook makes it all the much more engaging!
The introductions you use to transition into the tales are very creative, and it makes for a smooth transition. And I LOVE how you engage the reader by having them select their answer to the riddle. Girl, you are blowing my bind with this amazing storybook.
You are an incredibly talented writer, and I think you took this project and ran with it!
Hi Akansha! I am very glad that I got the opportunity to read your storybook. I thought the ideas were very creative and I definitely enjoyed reading the whole thing. I didn't have much knowledge about the myths and stories that you used before reading this, so it was super interesting to be able to learn more about the subject. The biggest thing I have to say about your storybook was the incredible use of images on the website. It brings so much life to the reading, and provides a lot of outside information that I wouldn't have had otherwise. I also really liked how you took the time to put a lot of detail to the introduction; that added a lot of insight to your story. Another great thing about this was your ability to characterize the main characters well. This made it very easy for me to understand. I can't wait to read more, and hope you enjoyed writing it!
ReplyDelete